So many questions, but no answers

Hello Tomodachi’s,

Good afternoon, all you lovely people! I know it has been a while but please bear with me. The last few weeks have not been the best for me. Since returning to my small island after living in the Netherlands for a while, I have been dealing with a lot of ignorance and nonsense. One of these days I will eventually come around to talking about it a little, but for now, I need some more time to stew in my thoughts.

Honestly, I have been asking myself a few questions as of late, but so far I do not have any answers for why some people behave or think the way they do. It baffles me how some people refuse to accept the truth when they hear it. They would prefer hearing and believing a bold face lie or a ridiculous rumour than the truth. They adamantly refuse to hear the truth that comes straight from the horse’s mouth.

Now lo and behold, the horse has become a liar!

Furthermore, why are some people so interested in my business and my life? They are so much more interested in my life more so than I am. Can we not let each other be? Life is already hard enough as it is to have someone all up in your business and talking behind your back.

My final question is why are people so ignorant to believe that just because a woman goes by a man’s house it means she is going there for sex? Do a man and woman’s relation always have to revolve around sex? Can it not be friendly? Can a man and woman not just be friends and hang out sometimes? Maybe for a small island like Saba that may be the mentality, I am not sure, but that is definitely not the mentality for me.

At this point, I am frustrated and beyond tired of this nonsense. I am so tired that I am considering possibly returning to the Netherlands. I feel a little bit guilty thinking in this manner because the whole reason why I returned to Saba was so that I could take care of my ageing parents. However, the way things are going I just might return. So much nonsense has happened in the four months I have been living on the island than the whole eight years and four months I have been living in the Netherlands. It is so ridiculous!

So, what are your thoughts? Let me know in the comment section below.

3 thoughts on “So many questions, but no answers

  1. Hi, Angie! Missed you, my young friend! Let me take a crack at answering the questions you’ve posed here.

    I’ve observed that no matter the topic, from the personal to the religious to the political, the main reason people refuse to believe truth that, pardon the expression, jumps up and slaps them in the face is because they have beliefs about whatever the topic or situation is, and the truth contradicts their beliefs. So they fight tooth and nail to maintain the belief, at the expense of reason and rationality. It’s never really made sense to me that people do this, but it is an observable fact.

    People are interested in your business for a number of reasons or, more likely, excuses. From what you’ve described, I think it likely that much of this is for some concept they have that to bring you down would make them feel better about themselves. They would be able to point to you and say, “Thank God I’m not like her!” In a way, this is related to the “crabs in a barrel” narrative. If one makes any headway toward getting out of the barrel, that is, improving one’s lot, then the others will pull it back down, so that escape is impossible. This is akin to people thinking, “Well, she (or he) thinks she’s better than we are? We’ll show her!”

    About your third question, I’ve run into this several times in my own life. I think it has to do with people projecting what they would do onto you. I’ve had many female friends who are just that, friends. Not friends with benefits, just friends who can talk, party, share a lunch or dinner, go to a movie or concert, or whatever else suits their fancy, without there being any sex involved. That projection is something that’s been common in society, literally for ages. It’s built into the psyche and reinforced by the social programming that begins at birth. (It occurs to me that all of the behaviors you bring up are at least peripherally related to that projection phenomena.)

    As for what you can do… That’s somewhat more difficult to address. You suggest the possibility of going back the the Netherlands as a solution. The first thing I would ask is whether you had any similar issues while you lived there before. I suspect you didn’t, so I’ll let that idea slide.

    Your desire to take care of your parents is commendable, especially since so relatively few people these days feel that way. I won’t ask about them because it’s none of my business. But I will ask you to think about whether or not taking care of them will adversely affect your life, or if *not* taking care of them would damage your self-respect, which I know you have a healthy amount of just from my interactions with you here and in the BB&W group.

    I didn’t mean for this to be so long. But if I may, let me leave you with a few lines from a poem I wrote many years ago. I’ve lost the paper I wrote it on, and these few lines are all I remember now. I hope you find them useful and appropriate:

    Be peaceful, I say, and do as you will.
    Live your own life, your dreams to fulfill.
    Do unto others, a saying so true
    That you would have them do unto you.



    • Hey, Don. Thanks for always responding. It makes me really happy to see you respond. It’s become somewhat of a habit to expect you to comment. 😁

      Anyway, when I wrote this post, I just wanted to get these things off my chest and not truly asking question. They were more rhetorical questions mostly. I am quite aware why people some people would prefer believing a lie than the truth due to they’re cognitive dissonance. This is what is explained in basic psychology. But despite knowing about this it still baffles me.

      And also, I am partially aware that though there were a lot of men/ people who became attracted and interested in me when I first returned my island who never showed interest in me before, there are probably just as many others who despise me and think that I may think myself better than them. And these people would love nothing than to see me fall and fail in life. It is sad that people have to be that way.

      And regarding my third question, it is not so much about talking to another male as female (depending on if the talking is consistent) but the act of going to that male’s house that seems to get people’s panties in a bunch. In Holland, I have gone to many people’s homes and never had to worry about things like this. If people here had found out how many males homes I have gone so I might be considered a whore, lol. It is so silly. But at the same time is any of their business? Why are they concerned about what’s going on in my life? Are they getting laid for being so concerned in my business, lol?

      And regarding staying for my parents, yes it could affect and maybe harm me but I after returning home I have seen how feeble my parents, especially father has gotten. And I don’t want to leave them in that state. So that’s why I am a bit undecided. πŸ˜“πŸ˜­

      But all in all, thank you for your concern. I am grateful.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I understand, Angie. I just wanted to help out in whatever minimal way I am able. That’s what friends are for, right?


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