A snippet from one of the stories I am writing

Hey, Tomodachi’s!

Good day to you all near and far. I hope you are having a great day!

For this week’s blog post, I wanted to post a snippet from one of the three novels I am trying to write called The Forlorn One. About a little over three years ago I posted the first snippet from this story and since then never posted anything else again after that. I believe around that time was also the last time I wrote anything for this story because I was experiencing writer’s block for the longest time. So, after a while, I decided to stop and gave myself a break from writing. And as you can see a lot of time has passed by. Therefore, I am thinking of starting back up again after not writing any stories for such a long. Enough is enough, don’t you think? I feel a little embarrassed that it took me this long to get back to writing. But whatever… The most important thing is that I am starting back again.

Anyway, below is another snippet of my novel and I hope you enjoy reading it. And of course, please let me know your thoughts. Take care and have a great day.

The Forlorn One

As I was walking down the street to go to the convenient store nearby my dingy, run down looking one-bedroom apartment, if you could even call it that, I saw someone that I was hoping never to see again. If I could have avoided seeing him for the rest of my life, I would. The one person I did not want to see how disgracefully I fell from grace was my childhood best friend August. Even my own mother or relatives I could care less of them seeing me in my current state. But not August, my best friend? No, I couldn’t handle that. But before I could turn back around and pretend, I did not see him I heard him call out my name.
” Hey, Jeremy! Is that you, you bastard?” August bellowed in surprise. He started walking towards me.
Ah man! I’ve been spotted. Should have turned around a little quicker and sooner.
” Were you trying to turn back around and pretend that you didn’t see me?” August asked suspiciously.
Actually, yes, I was.
“Of course not! What are you talking about? Why would I be trying to avoid you? You were like my best friend back in the day. Right?” I said trying to paste on one of my happiest smiles as I turned towards him. “I Besides, I thought I forgot something at home and was thinking of returning to get it”
” Oh? Then what did you happen to forget that made you want to turn around as soon as you spotted me?… Don’t try to pretend with me, Jeremy. You’re not a good liar” August said not even falling for my lie in the slightest.
” Anyway, how are you, Jeremy? When was the last time we saw each other? Hmm, I think we haven’t seen each other in about ten years since you packed your stuff and left without mentioning a word of it to me.”
“…I’m doing fine.” I said carefully, ” And I’m sorry for not telling you. I was experiencing a rough patch during that time in my life, and it was just something I did in the spur of the moment. So I didn’t have the time to tell you.”

” Damn it, Jeremy! I was so worried, man! I thought you didn’t come by anymore because I did something to offend you!” August said and raising his hand to grasp his head and shaking it,
“But I know you! You would have gotten over it after just a few days, but after several weeks went by I felt like I was going crazy. After a while I couldn’t take any more, I ventured on to your side of town, hiding away of course, and later found out that you left town. And no one knew where you had gone.”
” I said I was sorry, okay…” I said annoyed but feeling just a little guilty.
” Hmph, whatever man… Do you mind telling me why you left town the way you did?”
I remained silent.
” …Well, I guess you’ll tell me when you’re ready” He sighed heavily before changing the subject a
little. ” So, this is the town you’ve been living in this whole time I was trying to search for you.”

He was looking for me?
” Did you try keeping in contact with at least one relative before dropping from the face of the
” No,” I replied.
” Now why would you do that? The most important thing a person can have in their life is family. Not telling a single relative is a bit…”
” Can we please stop talking about this now…” I replied getting more and more irritated the longer we remained on the subject or anything related near to the subject.

He sighed again.
” Okay fine! I’ll leave it at that. I’m letting you off the hook this time, dude, BUT you have to promise me that we will meet up again.”
” Huh meet up again?”
” Of course, meet up again. I’ve finally found you; no way am I letting you weasel yourself out of it!” He replied. He was quite persistent. “I would have liked to talk to you some more at this very minute but I have to get back to work as it is. I just came here to grab some lunch for my team that I’m working with,” he said.
” But…”
” No, Ands, Ifs or Buts. I won’t allow it. Even if I have to hunt you down.”
Hunt me down?… I thought as I cocked an eyebrow.
” So, when would you like to meet again? Tomorrow, the day after? And where? Do you live nearby here? Should I come over to your place? Or would you like coming over to mine…?
” Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! Hold your horses!”
” What? Are you trying to run away from this?”

” No, but I’m not a free person either. I have to work too, you know!”
” Fine, then when and where?
I was not expecting there to be a next time. But knowing August and the type of person that he was and still is, well, I should have known. What should I do? What should I do? DAMNIT!
” Well…?” August kept persistently pushing for an answer.
It seems like he is not going to take no for an answer or give up easily at all. He has not really changed at all since the last time I saw him ten years ago.

5 thoughts on “A snippet from one of the stories I am writing

  1. Very interesting, Angie! Needs a little work, but I like how you describe the way the main character is feeling about the situation. That’s something I had to learn how to writem and it wasn’t easy for me. But you seem to have a knack for it. Keep going, dear lady!

    Liked by 1 person

      • Mostly it’s incorrect punctuation, like this from the first paragraph:

        ‘But before I could turn back around and pretend, I did not see him I heard him call out my name.’

        Move the comma to after the phrase, ‘I did not see him,’.

        There are a couple spots where a comma is needed, like here:

        ‘“I would have liked to talk to you some more at this very minute but I have to get back to work as it is. I just came here to grab some lunch for my team that I’m working with,” he said.’

        A comma should go after the phrase ‘at this very minute’, to separate one distinct phrase from another.

        Overall, it’s just a matter of tweaking, and I suspect it’s a first draft, so I’m not getting on you about anything. I’m just pointing out little ways to make it better than it already is. One writer helping another, as it were.

        Liked by 1 person

      • Apparently, it seems like I make a lot of silly grammatical and punctuation errors, I guess it mau be due to me reading it so many times that I may sometimes skip over these mistakes without noticing. Especially when it comes to putting commas in their right places, lol. But thank you for pointing out these things to me. I am definitely grateful to you as a fellow writer.


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