Being alone or single does not equate to being lonely!

Hello everyone. Sorry for my long time being away. I took some time off without letting anyone know and went AWOL for quite some time. I deeply apologise for my absence.

Anyway, today I wanted to write a blog post regarding how society has somewhat conditioned us, especially women,  into thinking that we NEED to be in a relationship (or we need a man) or else it means we are lonely and maybe unwanted goods.

Correct me if I am wrong but do you not think society has done a fine job in perpetuating the idea that a woman’s only goals in life is to find a man, get married and have children? Never considering the idea that some of us WANT to be left alone and not date or marry or have children. Oh God forbid, if we enjoy being alone and single it must mean there MUST be something wrong with us or we must be a lesbian. Either one or the other. Because there is NO WAY that a woman can ever enjoy being alone.


Today, I went to a Moroccan mini butcher shop that also sells a few vegetables and provisions outside by their door to buy a couple of tomatoes. He strikes up a conversation with me in Dutch and asks where I am from (which I am not even surprised anymore when he asked if I was African. Apparently most black people MUST come from Africa.) and tries to flatter me about my looks etc.

Anyway, he asks me if I have a boyfriend and in the past I would have lied saying I do so that I could be left alone, but this time I said I didn’t. I am not even really sure why I did not fib this time around. He then mentions that he also does not have a girlfriend either, which I did not even ask about nor did I care. I tell him that I am not looking for anyone at this moment in time and also because I enjoy being alone.  For the life of me he could not understand what I was talking about. Probably in his eyes I became a new species because there was no way a woman could enjoy being all by herself. He could not phantom the idea. That is ridiculous, that is unheard of! Isn’t it? THERE IS JUST NO WAY!

I was becoming annoyed rather quickly with this guy that could not take the hint that I did not want to give him my number for the umpteenth time nor am I in any need or in want for a man. Although, I remained polite when conversing with him but I was very quickly losing my patience. He then asks about my age to which I honestly told him I was 26 because he somehow got the impression I was 20. Then my age came into the conversation for debate. Because how can a mid 20 something year old adult woman not be interest in finding a man!? I am in the prime of my youth, dammit! I must be committing the biggest crime any woman in the history of mankind could make and that is not wanting or needing a man and enjoying my alone time. I actually enjoy myself a lot more when alone than being with someone. It’s the greatest pleasure in my opinion.

Later, he asks me if I liked men. I am thinking to myself “…what the heck does me not wanting a man right now have to do with me not liking men!?” He was basically implying if I was instead on the other side of the fence, meaning if I liked women. I should have said yes and see what he would have said then. Dear Jesus Lord… help me with the ignorance!! I am too caught up in myself right now to think about finding or wanting any man. Is that so hard to understand!? It does not mean that I never want one in the future, it just means that I am not looking for one right this moment. However, if everyone thinks that my not wanting and needing a man automatically makes me into a lesbian because I do not fit into the norm society has set up for me than so be it, I guess. No doubt, society has seriously warped our way of thinking. Why do I need to explain myself for my choice to remain single?

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